Birthday Bash Burdens

Children's birthday parties certainly run the gamut from the seriously orchestrated to the casually laid-back. As a mom, my history shows me pretty far over on the laid-back end of the spectrum, and I'm most comfortable attending parties with my kids when the party consists of "Here's some snacks, there are some toys, have a blast." If the kids are having fun, and the parents are chatting comfortably with each other, it's a success in my eyes.

My middle child's birthday looms on the calendar now, mere weeks away. Being the terrible mother that I am, I've planned absolutely nothing at this point. While we don't have any guidelines or schedule, we haven't done a party for each child every year. We do always celebrate with family and close friends over a dinner and cake, but some years we go out a little more and plan a get-together that requires lists and decisions.

The parties that we have put together have been pretty straightforward. For the son with a summer birthday, the pool is a great place to eat pizza and send the kids in the water to splash and act crazy. Spring birthday daughter has been thrilled with a picnic party at the playground down the road — some sidewalk chalk, bubble containers, and friends make it a fun time. Our youngest has a late fall birthday ... we're still trying to figure out how to make those work.

See, it might appear to be a pretty simple thing to plan, but there are actually several factors to consider:

• Location: Some outside venues like playgrounds might be free, but pool passes can add up, and not every child has the good sense to be born during the warm months. (I'm looking at you, three year old.) We've never ventured into the world of parties at establishments designed for that sort of thing, and I kind of hope we never do, both for the cost and the chaos. Small house living makes it challenging to host a larger party, and with younger children, your guest list is comprised of entire families, not just individual children. Speaking of...
• Guest list: Not to sound cocky or anything, but we're blessed with a lot of friends. Okay, at the very least, we know a lot of people who don't mind our company now and then. Many of them have children in the general vicinity of our kids' ages, even if the kids don't see each other all that frequently. I struggle with the question of who to invite in those situations, because I certainly don't want to hurt any friends' feelings, but if we're trying to cram everyone in our house, the list has to be small. This decision is nothing when compared to the thoughts behind the ...
• Presents, Part 1: Oh dear me, this is a toughie. I start with this mindset: my children don't need one more single toy to enter this house, and I'm not sure I can fit one more box, bin or basket into our IKEA showroom home. But, I've never felt comfortable putting the "no gifts, please" tag on an invitation. My kids have been to enough parties and chosen enough presents over the last few years to associate gift receiving with being the birthday boy or girl. Personally, I would feel odd showing up at a child's birthday party empty-handed because the cultural experience is so ingrained for me, too. And even if you don't say anything about them, you'll still have to make a party-time presents decision.
• Presents, Part 2: To open, or not to open. I've seen it done a couple of ways: child opens present when each guest arrives, which allows for an immediate grateful response, with little group fanfare. Or, the group assembles together for one big flying-wrapping-paper bonanza, for which the attending children all seem to get excited. Alternately, presents are piled together and opened by the birthday celebrant after the party, allowing for more time to play and eat. Now, each approach has its ups and downs, and all risk some potential offense to the gift-giver, too. (My daughter got really, really worked up at a party that ended without the gift opening, but not because of any desire to know if her friend liked the gift she chose. Nope, she was hoping to play with it at the party, of course!)
• Goodie bags: Here's a tradition that I have the hardest time with. I feel compelled to send off the party guests with a little bag of trinkets, but I inwardly groan when my own kids come home from a party with a bunch of stuff that will probably get tossed into their . I wish we parents could all get together on this one and uniformly wipe out the goodie bag tradition once and for all, but that's just me.

Oh, the decisions that go into all this. I just want my children to feel loved and surrounded by friends and family members on each of their birthdays. It seems awfully silly to get caught up in all the other stuff.

With that impending date coming, I asked my daughter what she was hoping for in terms of a birthday celebration. She had just one request: pulling out the chocolate fountain that made its debut appearance at my own birthday bash a few years back. That request scratches any outdoor venues off the list, so it's looking like it'll be a home kind of party after all. Here's hoping for sun, so we can at least kick the kids outside into the yard.

I think I know where the grown-ups will gather to chat.

Dawn may reside in Greenbelt in real life, but online she lives at her blog, my thoughts exactly, where she chatters on about her funny kids, her NPR obsession and plenty of other randomness. She can also be found at 5 Minutes for Books, reviewing everything from contemporary fiction to children's literature.